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The Battle


I have to address a very important topic here. The Battle has begun.

There are two sides to every war. And there is always a winner and a loser. And this year, I want to be the winner. I _need_ to be the winner.

It's me against... the roaches.

Yes. Roaches. Big-ass almost 3 inches big roaches. The kind of roach that is so big that the pigment has diffused and now are all blond, not black (which is even more disgusting). The kind that can even FLY, like a bloody mutant being that has radioactive powers. Yeah, that kind of roach. They have decided to take over my backyard... and now, have moved their fronts over to my bedroom.

I can't sleep as I can imagine them flying over and scooping me out of bed (yes, I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true!). I have tried ye old cucumber method? You know, the one where you place cucumber peels over and apparently it is said that roaches hate it? Well, I dunno who told these MF's that cucumber is not a threat, but they have wiped their roachy ass with it. So now it's time to get out the big guns -- the droppings of poison. And I want to hear them scream (my sister was nice enough to point out that roaches don't have vocal chords --- I KNOW THAT... okay?! I did not have Biology 101 in college to NOT KNOW that --- LET ME LIVE MY FANTASY!!) and beg for mercy. I have found the hole in the wall in which they can get in (aside from the hole in the window, which was pretty big but I have fixed it... yes, with duck tape) and I plan to poison their ass through there. Then, I shall go to the nest... and poison their ass there too. This might mean that I have to get into full armor gear (plastic boots, plastic gloves, full-body overall, bee-like-hat... yeah) because the thought of just one of them little-tinny roach spits getting in contact with me just makes my hair fizz up.

Let it be this one my declaration of war towards these creatures from hell. Let not one be left alive after I am done! For no Panda shall sleep with a roach threatening to fall on their face in the middle of dream!! Not now, not ever!!!




PPS: I have gotten a cat... Mikuni took care of the roaches!! I am now a happy panda, roach-free

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