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In my Life...

Today I turn five. In panda years, that's a whole bunch of years. And it comes to this point in life when one ponders about what has gone on over the past somewhat bunch of years... how time flies when one is having a blast... and how much you miss all those people who are not with you anymore.

There are places I remember, in my life though some have changed, some forever not for better, some have gone and some remain... like the Juarez' congales, the Sarawak, the Vertigo (where I used to go wearing a tiny-tiny short that was only half-way through my ass...), the Electric Q, the Gardie restaurant, the Guateques that used to be Vanimania Pizza Rock, Futurama Rio Grande and Futurama Tec, the cine Variedades, the cine Victoria, the Coliseo theatre... and who can forget going to El Borunda to eat hot dogs? Or how about when you used to go on a picnic outside of town, you know, to San Lorenzo or Zaragoza? To the Las Palmas swimming pool or look at the cows on the rancho next to it. And then when one went to El Paso, to eat candy at Blueberry or at Cress... The COBACH in the middle of nowhere, the UACJ's vet program going and picking some of the material left over from the ESAHE school when it closed... the novatadas, the Rancho Escuela... Going to eat burgers at San Lencho... the Feria Juarez and the selling of chuchurucos... going swimming at the Rio Grande... some day, the violence in the streets will be over, and Juarez, the dearest city of them all, will still be here, welcoming everyone who wishes to make it their home.

All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends I still can recall... some are dead and some are living... In my life I loved them all... Oh so many people that have come across my life! Patty and Elvira from elementary school at the Luis Cabrera (that looked more like a juvie than anything else), going to drive the young doctor at the vet clinic half a block away (and later on turned out to be my teacher at vet school), My Jr High friend, Edith, Laura, Antonio, Gaby, Betty, Brenda, Nancy D.. even though some of them decided to go and hang out with this Olivia caracter... hah! taught them a lesson, hum? and then in high school, when I had this major crush on Daniel Rivera... and my all-time friends, Elva, Maribel, and Edgar. Elva and I were inseparable, and to think we hated eachother's guts at the beginning! And of course, dating Gilberto AKA El Mostro... and getting that X mas present from Gerardo and later find out that it was Daniel who picked it up coz he knew what I liked... so many friends that are left behind! University days came and it was Ofelia, Diana, and Laura... and then when they were gone Brenda, Ericka, Betty, and Juanjo... Federico always busting my ass to get the best in me and always telling me I should do more and better, Victor always telling me about his guajiro dreams... Desing students who are the most talented people I know: Angie, and Lalito, and Tenshi, and Eidrien, and even that grand crush, Tonche -- we formed the posee known as The Office and became the popular people, even though we cannot admit it. We had special guests like Randy, and Shyboy, and Monana, Jimmy, and Elvira, Yordhi, and Mr Fuckito... and of course, the nemesis Gaby. But none of them stuck around longer like Cheque (Mr Fuzzy belly), Luis (Mr Luna) or Demian. Some are dead, like Alex, and some are living... Old friends who seem to be vanishing as I began my teaching career, like Silvia, and Miss Betty, and Mr Dragon boy, Miss Rosalinda, Mr Erick... but I think none of these teachers have the importance as MissYanni and none have their own room in my heart as Mr D. And then, as a writer I met awesome writers like Jorge Lando and Mauricio Zerk. Now, those places seem to be filled with new friends, awesome people like Suky, David, Adi, Ish, Ericka, Isa, Mr Larios, Lizzy, Yesmin, Morgana... so many people too many to name around./.. but rest asure, you all mean so much to me... thank you!

But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one who compares with you...  No one, you hear me, muttie? Because you have stood by and listened to my nonesence. Because you opened the door, lady, and released the creative, insane panda. Because when it was raining that summer evening, you told me the story of a dragon and his gang, and over the years that gang grew. And then you dared me to tell a story, and pushed me to create a world I have yet to resign to. Because of you I am tragically unhip :D (love rock music and the glam-rock scene!) and because of you I sure hope that your kid is as awesome as a big sister as you were. Thanks so much! I love you hermanita!!!

And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new. Though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life I loved you more...   I have loved... yet I am yet to know if I have been loved back with the same passion. Former lovers always seem to find a way to screw me up and leave scars I am yet to shed... but I am thankful I have learned from each and every one of them. And I am sorry for all those people I have hurt along the way.. and I forgive all those people who have hurt me for no apparent reason. Life has a way to show us that the choices we make are always to show us a path... wether is good or bad, that's up to us to make of it.

So, today I cut the cake and I say thank you to all of you. You are my backbone and I hope that many more years come ahead...

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