El Escritor. Un Escritor.

El texto me lo encontré por casualidad al estar naufragando x el vasto mundo de la web... Me pareció interesante y cómodo de mi parte reproducirlo, dando todo el crédito a su autor, Arandano. Su blog, Cafe con Sal, se puede encontrar en http://arandano.lacoctelera.net/

El Escritor. Un Escritor.

No debe ser tan difícil, se dice, pero se le hace un mundo. Una barrera, un muro, una obstrucción, tan suya, tan propia, tan personal, que es tangible, real, sólida. De hormigón.

Primero, busca un motivo, no lo encuentra, después, un intento, fallido. Y si sale algo, es gris, oscuro, negro, espeso. No quiere, se dice. Las válvulas de escape son para los coches. Yo quiero arte.

Un folio en blanco, una mente en blanco. Y se enfada de esos momentos que deja escapar, de esas palabras que no encierra en garabatos. Por pereza, porque el momento no es el apropiado...excusas, excusas. No quiere un esfuerzo como terapia. Quiere fluidez, quiere resultados. Se empecina, pero pocas veces. Se abandona, mayormente. Pero siempre presiente el muro. Y la conciencia de que quiere destruirlo. Una voz que lleva pico y pala, y que es en la que confía.

Tan fácil le parece cuando no lo está haciendo, tan difícil cuando se pone. Debe ser un trabajo, una costumbre, un hábito... y esta idea también le cuesta llevarla a cabo. Pero sabe que sólo es el esfuerzo y el trabajo aplicado el que le llevará a algo. Porque también confía de las veces que salió algo cuando estaba presionado para ello. ¿Siempre trabajando bajo presión...? (qué flojo...). Y de los que le animan, le han oído, le han leído. De esas veces en las que parece que el muro, o no ha estado nunca ahí, o se ha caído, o se ha vuelto invisible de repente.

La invisibilidad del muro se da cuando siente que lleva las riendas de su vida. Aunque no siempre. La facilidad es líquida, resbaladiza, dulce... y tampoco anima a exigirse mucho.

Pero no le gusta lo que sale en momentos oscuros. No quiere humo, no quiere vómitos. Sólo pensamientos certeros, palabras exactas, sentimientos encuadrados. Una mano invisible que le guíe, le transporte...eso espera: los pellizcos.

Ese es su dilema: presiente (que no sabe con certeza), que es capaz de hacerlo, y no sabe porque no lo hace: porque no le es necesario, porque no lo necesita, porque no se enfrenta a sí mismo...En última instancia, también sabe, que no hace falta llegar al dolor para empezar...ha de ser placentero, una vía de autoconocimiento, un lo hago porque lo quiero y porque me da la gana. Y encima me gusta.

Eso quiere. Trabajar como la hormiga, disfrutar como la cigarra. Pero... ay! la soledad... harina del costal de cualquiera que se quiera sentar.

Alguien que Cuide de mi

Que en sus brazos me sienta
una niña pequeña
sonría, le mienta
y se trague mis penas

Qué sacuda mi cama
como un animal
y que por las mañanas
me dé un poco más

Que no sea muy malo
que no sea muy bueno
y si me hace regalos
que no le cueste dinero

Alguien que cuide de mí
que quiera matarme
y se mate por mí

Que no quiero más chulos
que no traen un duro
ni tíos muy feos
con un gran empleo

Que no quiero borrachos
ni locos de atar
ningún mamarracho
que me haga llorar

Ni chicos perdidos
buscando a mamá
ni tipos muy finos
que luego te la dan

Alguien que cuide de mí
que quiera matarme
y se mate por mí

Que me lleve a la feria
y luego a bailar
le dejaré ver mis medias
para que corra detrás


De la Luna y Otros Vicios On sale now at Lulu!!!

Finalmente, el libro De la Luna y Otros Vicios salio a la venta en Lulu. Proximanete se hara una presentacion publica en Ciudad Juarez, con un lugar y fecha por confirmar. Pero bueno, en Lulu podran tener acceso a un preview del libro! Y claro, si me hacen el enorme favor de comprarlo, me harian una persona muy feliz :D


Rainypalooza 2010

Rainypalooza is a party that happens every year... and that has been happening for five years now... Some people get the invites, some don't, but we always have a great time. This time, it was the Octopus' Garden who opened their arms and welcomed us to enjoy this celebration.

First of all, the food served was superb!!! I mean, from the chef who marinated the meat (that would be me jejejeje) to the griller (Mr David!) it was good! I wanted to celebrate the five years this panda has in her age bank, so for each year it was 1 kilo of my favorite meat cuts. sirloin, rib-eye, arrachera, grilling steak, and costillar, Adding the sausages and the tortillas... oooh and the cebollitas with cheese-filled chiles... but, com'on! for those who where there, you have to admit, the Chipotle salsita was The Best. I made about 1 lt of the stuff and it was gone in less than 30 mins! and the grilled meat wasn't even in the grill yet!! I also added some chicken just in case someone wanted some chicken. Alas, no one wanted some, so we ate the chicken next day, while watching the Manning vs Manning Bowl 2.0.

The music was provided by ye Old Stereo... and of course, Beatles were in the house! since it's my party and I'll cry if I want to, Beatles records were played... then we got a little bit drunker and then it was the Stones and Charlie Parker, but mostly Beatles. Whomever did not enjoy the music can go suck a lemon because the Beatles rock. Period.

My sister made some candy bags and placed condoms in them! so it was the C&C bags,,, Candy and condoms. I still have some candy bags left. No condoms, however jejejejeje.

Even though I did invite a whole bunch of people, only those who always come to the party showed up, even though we even did an RSVP thing to it. Some might have forgotten (thaks a lot!) and others might have more important things to do, but nevertheless, even though there weren't many of us, the important thing is that we got drunk, we ate like pigs, and listened to good music. It was sad that some people made themselves look crazy (se hicieron loquitas) and did not provide with the cake they promised to (... mother....) and it was also a bummer that there were no ponies... I forgot the pony stick... BUT for those of you who stayed, there was a water balloon fight as promised!!! Too bad that some had to go because (a) they were tired, (b) they had to get home early, or (c)... I don't know what the F was going on.

So, as far as the organizers go, Rainypalooza 2010 was a success! Next year, we promise to be a super-mega  blast, as Rainypalooza will be taking the next step into awesomeness. I just hope that we're all still alive and well.

See you all in Rainypalooza 2011!!! :D

Wear Sunscreen...

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. 

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern
California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

.....But trust me on the sunscreen.

In my Life...

Today I turn five. In panda years, that's a whole bunch of years. And it comes to this point in life when one ponders about what has gone on over the past somewhat bunch of years... how time flies when one is having a blast... and how much you miss all those people who are not with you anymore.

There are places I remember, in my life though some have changed, some forever not for better, some have gone and some remain... like the Juarez' congales, the Sarawak, the Vertigo (where I used to go wearing a tiny-tiny short that was only half-way through my ass...), the Electric Q, the Gardie restaurant, the Guateques that used to be Vanimania Pizza Rock, Futurama Rio Grande and Futurama Tec, the cine Variedades, the cine Victoria, the Coliseo theatre... and who can forget going to El Borunda to eat hot dogs? Or how about when you used to go on a picnic outside of town, you know, to San Lorenzo or Zaragoza? To the Las Palmas swimming pool or look at the cows on the rancho next to it. And then when one went to El Paso, to eat candy at Blueberry or at Cress... The COBACH in the middle of nowhere, the UACJ's vet program going and picking some of the material left over from the ESAHE school when it closed... the novatadas, the Rancho Escuela... Going to eat burgers at San Lencho... the Feria Juarez and the selling of chuchurucos... going swimming at the Rio Grande... some day, the violence in the streets will be over, and Juarez, the dearest city of them all, will still be here, welcoming everyone who wishes to make it their home.

All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends I still can recall... some are dead and some are living... In my life I loved them all... Oh so many people that have come across my life! Patty and Elvira from elementary school at the Luis Cabrera (that looked more like a juvie than anything else), going to drive the young doctor at the vet clinic half a block away (and later on turned out to be my teacher at vet school), My Jr High friend, Edith, Laura, Antonio, Gaby, Betty, Brenda, Nancy D.. even though some of them decided to go and hang out with this Olivia caracter... hah! taught them a lesson, hum? and then in high school, when I had this major crush on Daniel Rivera... and my all-time friends, Elva, Maribel, and Edgar. Elva and I were inseparable, and to think we hated eachother's guts at the beginning! And of course, dating Gilberto AKA El Mostro... and getting that X mas present from Gerardo and later find out that it was Daniel who picked it up coz he knew what I liked... so many friends that are left behind! University days came and it was Ofelia, Diana, and Laura... and then when they were gone Brenda, Ericka, Betty, and Juanjo... Federico always busting my ass to get the best in me and always telling me I should do more and better, Victor always telling me about his guajiro dreams... Desing students who are the most talented people I know: Angie, and Lalito, and Tenshi, and Eidrien, and even that grand crush, Tonche -- we formed the posee known as The Office and became the popular people, even though we cannot admit it. We had special guests like Randy, and Shyboy, and Monana, Jimmy, and Elvira, Yordhi, and Mr Fuckito... and of course, the nemesis Gaby. But none of them stuck around longer like Cheque (Mr Fuzzy belly), Luis (Mr Luna) or Demian. Some are dead, like Alex, and some are living... Old friends who seem to be vanishing as I began my teaching career, like Silvia, and Miss Betty, and Mr Dragon boy, Miss Rosalinda, Mr Erick... but I think none of these teachers have the importance as MissYanni and none have their own room in my heart as Mr D. And then, as a writer I met awesome writers like Jorge Lando and Mauricio Zerk. Now, those places seem to be filled with new friends, awesome people like Suky, David, Adi, Ish, Ericka, Isa, Mr Larios, Lizzy, Yesmin, Morgana... so many people too many to name around./.. but rest asure, you all mean so much to me... thank you!

But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one who compares with you...  No one, you hear me, muttie? Because you have stood by and listened to my nonesence. Because you opened the door, lady, and released the creative, insane panda. Because when it was raining that summer evening, you told me the story of a dragon and his gang, and over the years that gang grew. And then you dared me to tell a story, and pushed me to create a world I have yet to resign to. Because of you I am tragically unhip :D (love rock music and the glam-rock scene!) and because of you I sure hope that your kid is as awesome as a big sister as you were. Thanks so much! I love you hermanita!!!

And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new. Though I know I'll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life I loved you more...   I have loved... yet I am yet to know if I have been loved back with the same passion. Former lovers always seem to find a way to screw me up and leave scars I am yet to shed... but I am thankful I have learned from each and every one of them. And I am sorry for all those people I have hurt along the way.. and I forgive all those people who have hurt me for no apparent reason. Life has a way to show us that the choices we make are always to show us a path... wether is good or bad, that's up to us to make of it.

So, today I cut the cake and I say thank you to all of you. You are my backbone and I hope that many more years come ahead...

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