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Persepolis and the Teacher

TGIF!!


It's Friday, ladies and gentleman, and as we all know, the day calls for celebration, party madness, and whoo-haa.

Madness began today, when Presidente Calderon said that the US is WRONG -- that the Mexican government is NOT losing the war to criminals and that it's all under control. Mr Presidente... ARE YOU INSANE? I mean, really, for shizel, are you, like, MENTAL? As your secretary of state, your secretary of defense, the governor of Chihuahua, and the Juarez Mayor got together in this city to talk about what should it be done against the drug war, a man was gunned down NOT TOO FAR from your people was at!! And there was helicopters, and soldiers, and AFIS, and Police men, and all kinds of circus media! Oh, let's not forget the bomb threats to the airport (that remained closed), the justice department offices, the universities, some government offices! Hah! And you say it's under control? In what COUNTRY do you LIVE IN?!

People! Ay-yay-yay!

But, returning to rather more pleasant news... Next week we're going to have this big palooza breakfast with the head honchos of Bachilleres (the public high school). The target is to get them to enroll more students into our fair university and they're using English as their main tool. So, I have to do a presentation about the English program and how it can benefit the students. I hope we can do a good job about it. Can't wait. It's gonna be in a very classy hotel... and the plus part is that I get to see my old high school teachers since they have now become principals and coordinators of the school. Ah!

Then, on Suky's class, we saw this movie, "Persepolis". I liked it very much. I could find a trailer of it to place it here. I most def. wanna get the dvd...

It's very cool that Suky and David have such great movies.

Thank you all for tuning in... and remember... it only seems kinky the first time.

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Ash Wednesday coming on Thursday

It was Ash Wednesday yesterday and there was NO WIND!!! I mean, Ash Wednesday is not Ash Wednesday without wind here in Juarez... gaaaah!

Yesterday was also the "Last Wednesday" meeting -- every last Wednesday the Dean gets all the students and teachers together to have this meeting and talk about important stuff. This time it was to welcome the new students to the university and to tell us the sad-long story of why is the main road that leads to the university is still dirt.

I have been at this school for two years now... and the school has been here for about 15... and it's still time that the road that leads to the school's gate is not paved. And in front of the gates there is this water canal that just screams "fall in!" every time we go out in our poor cars (mine is already demanding suspension maintenance)... The Dean went on for, like, thirty minutes telling the story of the oger and the fair prince who tried to convince the oger (the oger being our neighbors from down the road) to pull together and pave the street.

Then, it was time to give out the awards for the best averages last semester. In the afternoon it was all smooth sailings, but in the morning all the high averages were outside, smoking a cigarette and just slacking off. The dean was not happy. The sheer image of that made him all pissy and he took it out on the first teacher he saw fit to. No, not me... but I pitied the soul.


I had the fist capirotada of the season yesterday... well, it was more like the first two capirotadas of the season. One was brought by my mother, who said she was in the mood for some pipian gorditas (or as my friend Eidrien calls them --- fatties) and she went all the way downtown to get them (lame-ass excuse to see her boyfriend, m-kay?) and the second one was brought by a neighbor, and even though my father tried to persuade us that he did not take a bite out of it, the plate was evidence enough for me to suspect that not only did he took a bite out but that he pretty much took a whole chunk on his way in. They were both pretty good --- the neighbor's capirotada leads the way.

It's 9:56 a.m. In 4 minutes I have to go to class and give my best to make these people understand why is important for them to know how to write coherent pieces of information in English. They tend to believe it's not necessary up until they sit in front of the computer and see that the TOEFL examination requires them to write their little fingerish souls out. Then, I get to see grown men cry and cradle as they start to suck on their thumb.

Oh, how the mighty fall!

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It's FAT TUESDAY!!!

PANDAS GONE WILD!!!!



I love to say Fat Tuesday... I imagine is this fat day with a top hat and a beaded collar going all around the town screaming "FAT TUESDAY!" and laughing like a mad mad marshmallow man. Yeah, I know... It annoys the bejezus out of people when I go around screaming FAT TUESDAY!...

So, looking around to see if I can find a decent picture of a panda celebrating FAT TUESDAY (apparently there is none), I found this one...

HOW CUTE... or disturbing? Because I can't help but to wonder if the owner of this dog has an issue with Pandas or if the dog was actually BORN a dog-panda... If it's the first one I feel sorry for the lady because that chow-chow will get even somehow.

Today was the "CULTURE CLASH" celebration at class. It's the 24th of February, so not only it's FAT TUESDAY but it's also Flag Day in Mexico... so, in the sight of having so many cultural and civics diversities, the class has to prepare a 10 minute presentation about cultures... last year, one of the presentations was from Italy. The girl brought pizza and wine to the class. We got to eat the pizza and got hammered with the wine. Then, on the afternoon class, one of the teams presented Russia as their culture project... yeah, needless to say, the Vodka was good.

"It's a FAT TUESDAY MIRACLE!" (Miss Suky's words as she has found her "lost books" today)


Graphic Design students are nagging and complaining about they having a low score in their work -- all because of bad spelling. I mean, they're in college -- they're SUPPOSED to have AT LEAST a decent knowledge of what spelling is. And I don't mean in English! I mean in Spanish. They're all bitchy because of this. Dudes, you're graphic designers... bad spelling can be the cause of your bad business.

Fat Tuesday... and tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. Most students here won't come because they're under the wrong impression that school should give them their "religious moment" and thus they can escape the reality that is the Mexican school system, which is completely separated from church. Personally, the idea of having ashes placed on my head and make it pretend that this way God knows who I am and blesses me is not my idea of a good time. I mean --- what are these ashes made of? Blessed palms. Are you sure? I mean, how do you know it's not something else, burned and turned into ashes? What if its the dead cat or dog of the lady of the church? You never know in these times of crisis! My friend Tenshi would probably be all up in arms, calling me a non-believer or looking at me in a "shame on you" look.

As far as the weather goes, I can tell that Cuaresma is around the corner. It's windy. As hell. Funny --- it's holy week and it's windy as hell (insert crazy laughter here). I hate holy week's food. No, let me rephrase that. The only holy week food I LOVE is CAPIROTADA.

And peeps...

All hail the Peeps....

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Praise Yee Lord of Thy Shall be Cool!

Blue Monday, I hate blue monday... have to work...


I can see why Garfield hated Mondays.

I have this perfspot thingie. I don't remember ever placing my name on it. But, apparently, a lot of people want to become my friend. Why are we so eager to become someone's friend on-line and yet never acknowledge them when we see them on the street or even on a msg? No. We just want to be their friend because having a lot of friends on the MySpace page seems cool.

Who _defines_ cool? A question I want an answer to. Who is this all-knowing god of coolness who defines who is cool and who is not cool. And, if you are cool at some point in your life, does this coolness survive other days or does it vanish just like youth?

Do you consider yourself to be cool? I have seen lots of kids who actually convince themselves that if they are not cool they might as well be dead. Life's over, I'm not cool enough, somebody shoot me. What's funny is that what they consider to be cool, at one point might not have been. For example, I remember that having skulls and dragons stickers on your notebooks or backpacks was a symbol of you being screwed up in the head -- mainly, you worshiped the devil and hence your eternal soul was damned. But now, it's cool. The devil is cool...


Satan must be laughing at my brain right about now.

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Bang a Drum, Bang it Loudly!!!



"Say it with your heart and soul and believe it"



Today was round number 4 or 6 or whatever, I am so excited because AT LAST, the books were paid for!!!

(party party party)

And I mean, com'on... you pay notes that you're not supposed to? PLEASE... So, happy to have that ordeal out of the way. Next one? TKT.

I have good feelings about it. I am gonna keep all my positive attitude so that everything goes on smoothly.

Agh! The English VII students are driving me crazy! Their new teacher, Mr Paul did not come on Tuesday. Granted... but why in the world did they think it was a good idea to miss class on Wednesday, Thursday, and today? Three days? Those are three absences --- OUT OF FIVE!!! It's just screwed up... we contacted them and finally got a hold of one. He swears on his grandmother's Bible that the teacher has not come all week. Me and the Administrative coordinator just looked at eachother and then at Mr Paul. "Well," Gaby (the A.C.) said, "then I've been seeing a ghost all week or what?"

Monday -- a rumble on the bronx.

Ooooh! I got invited to the Congreso Latinoamericano de Literatura Contemporanea!! Yeah! I get to see the newest in the Mexican Literature... and if I'm lucky, I might get some cards to send the book over. Yessss....



Bang a drum.. bang it loudly!!!



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It's a matter of PRIDE


Well... I don't know what's wrong with this blog. Can you read it properly? Because it keeps coming back all fuzzy or with no words. Please, let me know so I can poke the blogger people's ribs.

Today on school I finally had it. The matter of me versus the accountants (Edith and Coral) has gone to new levels. It was like this: last September, the English classes began and as usual, I ordered some books. The books came, I gave the accountants the receipts so they could pay them. The procedure goes like this: students go and pay their books with Edith and then they come to me with their paper slips (to prove they have paid) and I take the little paper and give them the book. All books delivered to student's hands were books that were paid. Now, books that did not sell, were returned to book provider. With me so far? Good. Now, book provider tells Edith that she is one payment missing. She then goes ahead and tells the book people that the one in charge of all that is moi. Book people contact me and ask me about this. I say, "well, let me see what's going on here".

Edith swears (almost to her mother's grave) that there is no more money to pay for those books. O____o How---what---HUM? I-- I don't understand. I mean, those books were PAID FOR by students, what do you mean no more money??? Well, no. And she doesn't know why or how, but somehow I have to fix it. December came, everyone went on vacation, I told her to give me all her original payment slips. Coral did. Coral even went as far as to help me out to see how many books we sold. Our numbers did not match Edith's. In fact, NO ONE'S NUMBERS match Edith's. So today, in round number 4 of the match, the Dean of the school came in and I told him I needed to talk to him. I explained what had been going on with the books (and to my surprise, Edith and Coral had not updated him on the issue) and asked if it was my responsibility to deal with this since a). I had NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY OR PAYMENTS MADE TO THE SCHOOL and b). I had the proofs that book paid, book delivered. He was sort of shocked to hear that Edith had leaned the responsibility of this to me (since I had nothing to do with the money handled) and called upon an urgent meeting to deal with the problem. Edith started to say that she had no money and that there was no possible way to prove that the school owed that money. I pulled out the statements that the book dealer send via fax to her (and that she dumped over to me) and went with evil French laugh "On Contraire!!!"

Round 4 goes to the panda girl.

Tomorrow the conclusion of the Book Adventure.

Now, to take the OTHER bull by the horns...

The TKT Certification Exams... Teachers have not paid. I cannot order the exams if teachers do not pay...

More on that... later....

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All I can say is... WHEN WILL IT END????




Police chief, 3 officers die in ambush
By Daniel Borunda / El Paso Times
Posted: 02/18/2009 12:00:00 AM MST


JUAREZ -- The head of the Juárez police department and three officers were killed in an ambush Tuesday on a day when protesters, claiming abuses by the Mexican army, blocked traffic to the international bridges into El Paso.

Police operations director Sacramento Perez Serrano, 49, was being escorted by the officers when the four-door police pickup they were riding in was riddled with gunfire in the upscale Zona Dorada (Golden Zone) area of the city about 5 p.m.

Perez and the three officers died in the attack near Paseo de La Victoria and Ejercito Nacional boulevards.

"They were on their way to the Babicora (police) station when they were ambushed by an armed commando," said Jaime Torres, city spokesman.

"They didn't have a chance to defend themselves. They died in the patrol unit."

Police were on "red alert" late Tuesday as an extensive search, including federal agents and soldiers, continued for the killers, officials said.

Perez, a Mexican army captain who had been a police official in Puebla, was named police director last July by city public safety secretary Roberto Orduña Cruz.

The ambush was part of an unrelenting wave of violence in the Juárez area that has left more 1,800 dead since January 2008.

On Monday, there were a dozen homicides, including two unidentified men who were found decapitated, reportedly with a note referring to them as extortionists.

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Post War Analysis

I wanted to use the cat as an example of how I feel after Valentine's Day. It's kind of like the bug is feeling when it sees the gigantic hungry cat praying upon it... preying.. God!

I got a good V day present from a friend -- a hand-made knitted hat. Then it was out to eat sushi. It was all good.

In class -- Quiz day. Time to make people cry and see their "why didn't I study harder" faces. The quiz was rather easy according to most -- but there is always that one little rice on top, you know? The one that swears on his puppy's life that we have not seen those subjects before.

Yeah, same kid who got a 59 in the quiz and has 5 missed classes out of 10.

:) Indeed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------









Valentine's Day is overrated. So is Mother's day, father's day, teacher's day, and every other "x" day you can think of. To have one day to tell a person that he/she is your friend and that you love them -- ONE day out of 365 days of the year. But then again, how often do we do it? How often do we tell our friends that we love them and that we're there for them? We tend to take those things for granted and in the same circuit as "He/She knows I love her/him".

So I don't think it's overrated. Maybe a little over proportioned, with all the candy, flowers, jewelry, cards, and the shenanigans when all you really need is to hug someone or give them a tap on the shoulder to tell them "hey, I'm here for you".

Valentine's day shouldn't be the "day that I am reminded of how alone I am". Is the day when we ought to feel lucky to have the friends and family members we have in our lives and acknowledge them -- if we don't do it already, any other day.

I know I ramble. But I also know that's one thing that my friends (the real ones) are willing to stand about me.

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V Day Preview




Valentine's Day is the day when all those Super Bowl guys who paid no attention to their spouses and girlfriends can make it up


So, tomorrow is the V Day. When I used to work at elementary school, the V day extravaganza would start at midday and carry on 'till the kids' parents would pick 'em up at 2. And the teachers would be rolling in candy by the time it was over. Oh yes - the glorious days of Valentine's Day's candy/chocolate are now in the past, as university/college students won't consider bringing a little lollipop. I got one today, but it was so little I didn't even notice the flavor.

(Thank you, Miss Izza, for bringing yummy lollipop to me)

For this reason, my level III English students are taking their Unit 1 - 2 quiz. They take the quiz today, they have a relaxed weekend, and then on Monday they'll sing the not-so-happy song of "The Quiz was too hard!" They sometimes forget how good they are, you know? I mean, they do GREAT in the class, they do their homework, they participate, and they speak the language fairly good (at least they don't sound like an underpaid "Viva Hollywood" character...) But when quiz time gets here, they get nervous and I wish I could help them out but there are limits to my aid during quizzes.

I believe they will do great on this one. They've been a great bunch of people.



And what better way to celebrate V Day than to pre-order a very special gift for that special someone in your life, right?

Here in Juarez, we have solved the problem of thinking what to get that someone. Do you give flowers? Naah! They dry! Now about some jewelry? Naah! It'll get stolen! Clothes? Are you kidding? Chocolate? What if that someone is on a diet or something?

NO!! BEER IS THE OPTION!


That's right. Cerveza Victoria celebrates St Valentine's Day by offering their consumers the VALENTINE'S DAY BUCKET OF BEER! Door-delivered on Valentine's Day, arranged with balloons and all... 12 beers. What better way to say I love you?? Why be like all the other guys and give that person you love something everyone else already gives! No sir! Beer! Beer is the secret of love, romance, and a lot of guys and girls hooking up.

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It's like the Old West out here...




Ye Old boys were gunned down at the Ok Corral... sources say that maybe one soldier was killed.

Truth is that there was a rain of bullets between the Mexican Army and the Gunmen for Hire (one of many groups that have been killing people left and right in this town) over at the Pan American Interstate, a few hours away from Juarez.

I for one am glad to say AT LONG F-ING LAST! The Mexican Army is not just for showcase here! They're actually DOING something to end with these murders that go around shooting people at restaurants, parks, movie theaters, malls, and just about every goddamn place they want! Good! And oh! The "Kodak moment" -- a few days ago, the newspaper reported a note in which a 13 year-old kid captured the precise moment a person was being gunned down by these people... and the reporter (oh bless his putrid little heart!) gave name, address, and location of the kid and his friends... heck! He even did an "exclusive" interview with him! I mean -- HELLO?! Is there a BRAIN inside that noggin?



Looks-about-the-city



--- This kid is still amazed that his parents are too buzzed to even notice him begin his own little party... Holy Molly! They left a caguama for me!!!









---- This school is supposedly one of the most prestigious bilingual schools in the state of Chihuahua. Not only will they teach the kid to be bilingual, but they will also teach them the meaning of the word "TECHING"








-- WHAT AN OFFER!!! SCARFS!! FROM 40 PESOS! ON SALE AT 200!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

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Lollipops

Because it's all about the sucking up... hahaha! I kid.

The blog of Learn Me Good has a new web page --- at LEARNMEGOOD.COM has all the goodies he's got at the Learn Me Good Blog spot (see Must READS!) So, go, check him (and his page) out.

I hope I get points.

Today was JUAREZ -- SNOWSTORM 2009!!! YES!!! We finally got 30 minutes of SNOW!!! And HEAVY flurries too... Please forgive me, it's been almost three years since we've even SEEN snow falling from the sky. It's like the cavemen watching fire. Oh! The Gods are good!!

Well, after the rant of yesterday, turns out that I have a teacher for the class. Mr. Paul will take over. He's the English I teacher. Ok, so here are the movements I had to do: Miss Fabiola gets all 20 students for the English I class, Mr. Paul moves to the English VII class, Miss Yezmin goes and gives English III while Mr. Venegas (senior -- yes I have two teachers named Venegas, how fun!) gives the English V and I get English IX. How fun!

All is good in Rainyland now...

And the snow...

THE SNOW!!!! YEEEEEEEYY!!!


FROM THE MIND OF MAXINE


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and the hits just keep coming...

I found out that one of my teachers is bailing out.

No, he didn't have the decency of coming to me directly and tell me. I had to find out via students of other courses he's giving in this university -- and then I confirmed it through the Academics Coordinator.

What in tha--! I moved hours for this teacher. I actually fought for his hours so he could teach English VII, VIII, and IX. The department fought vs administration for him not to pay the TKT course (which he never even showed, btw) I took him in to this school -- and he doesn't even has the courtesy of telling me he is leaving today. TODAY! He doesn't even give me the chance to look for a substitute! I mean, it's a matter of common sense, honesty, and decency!

I don't know... I believe in giving at least a week's notice. When I left the high school I was teaching at, I gave them a month's notice before I said bye-bye. The students found out I was leaving a week ahead. But they had time to find my substitute, to train them into the school's system.

Maldicion!!!

----------------------------------------------------

8:51 pm...

He has called my phone and told me (via phone) that he was not going to give the class this afternoon (his class starts at 7:00 pm, by the way). I asked him to bring me the material and books that the school had provided him with.

Let's see if he shows up tomorrow.

Oh! I had to tell his class to reunite again on Wednesday. I hope that I can find a good substitute by then.

Let's have a moment to laugh... we all need it...

Mr Lowe's PAGE

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Monday Monday...



It's the beginning of a new week and already something wicked this way comes...

One of my teachers, Mr Venegas, teaches an administrative class and he has told the students (since last week) that he is no longer going to be able to teach the class because he is leaving for Mexico City in a week. He has also told this to the Social Sciences coordinator.

Has he had the decency to tell me this? No.

Here's the deal: he teaches English VII. The class began last week. He is leaving me one week to find a new teacher, train him to the teaching model we have here, give the teacher the week's trial... a whole bunch of burning circles that this teacher has to jump through like a circus poodle. And the frikky part of it is that he saw me, this morning, and still -- NADA! I mean, dude! WTF?!

Well... that and the fact that my car got a flat tire today hahaha! I was supposed to go out and pay for the electric bill, but now I have to fix my car's tire. Poor baby!

The class in the morning has been behaving. So far, so good. I have started a blog-program, where students have to go on-line and start their own blogs. They're pretty lazy, and even though it only takes a few minutes, they're still relentless about doing it. Today I have left a week-long assignment in which they will have to log in to the university's web site and post their blogs even if it kills them (THEM, why should it have to kill me?)

... I'm in the mood for Chinese...


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIALS...


BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO... ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO THESE THINGS: In her book, A Girlfriend's Guide to Getting Over Him, author Sandra Ann Miller lays down the law for the brokenhearted. She's created ten essential ground rules to prevent the recently split from making the most common breakup mistakes...


1. I will not call him… even if I am convinced it will make me feel better. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I'll have a friend do that, preferably via e-mail.

2. I will not email him… Not even an innocent or funny group e-mail forward.

3. I will not frequent the places I know he goes… even if I went there first and like it better. I know going to such places will hurt more than it will help.

4. I will not encourage or allow friends to do anything foolhardy… even with my best interests at heart. This includes talking to him when they see him in public to let him know he is a jerk and he'll never do better than me, or to share that I'm looking fabulous, got a promotion, and am dating George Clooney.

5. I will screen all of my calls. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and I'm sure it's not him.

6. I will not take his phone calls. I repeat -- I will not take his calls.

7. I will not return his phone calls or e-mails. If he is "just checking" to see how I am, I know he is really just checking to see if I think he's a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not to get back together.

8. I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or psychics, or your horoscope.

9. I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies, and couple's therapy.

10. I will not hide under a rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I promise to abide by these vows for at least thirty days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer. This I do affirm. So help me.

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Saturday Night

Hey Man, I'm alive, I'm taking each day and night at a time... yeah I'm down but I know I'll get by...


It's Satuday and I am at coffee shop. And today I have a treat. This is one of the BEST actors in Mexico. His name is Jesus Ochoa, and these are the best short films he did during the World Cup (not this one, but the one before last). The series is called Linea de Tres.

Enjoy!

"En Vivo" -- A sports announcer in radio gets in trouble for telling the WRONG game...



"Tiro de Gracia" -- Set in the Mexican Revolution, this man's last wish...


"Los Amigos y tu Mujer" --- v good... NOT Jesus Ochoa, but it's v good.

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Casual Friday




Life is something that everyone should try at least once

Henry J. Tillman

It's Friday. Man! Even the birds sing great today! I bet broccoli tastes awesome too! (no, com'on, let's not get crazy here...) And in the University, it's ye old Placement Exam Day.

Every year, the university students take a test to see what's their level. By school policy, we don't do them on the 1st week of class. All students are given a kardex where they program the English class according to what the system (NOT the teachers) says they should be taking (i.e. if the student has taken two levels of English, the system will place them in English III, even if the student failed the last two levels... yeah, I know, it's screwed-up - I've had my share of headaches thanks to this little pecadillo) So this week, some students realized that the system had failed and that they were either in a level that was too high or too low. In short, they take the test to see where they're supposed to be and while they go prancing on their merry little way, I put on my shinning armor and battle the beast with seven heads that is the system.

Ah! Because the system NEVER fails (according to the school's Dean).

....

But this is my third time in this carousel, so I know the hoops of such systematic beast. Now, I await the brave soldiers that are these students. I told them the schedule -- from 8 - 9, 9 - 10, 10 - 11, 11 - 12. No one has come yet. Not even to take a peek on what is going on here. And it's 10:20. I can bet my a--- (sorry! I promised I wouldn't bet my ass no more. The thought of an old guy with no teeth coming to my front door saying "I believe you have my property, I would like to take it now" gave me not only the chills, but made me laugh so hard that I spilled coca cola through my nose and that was painful as heck) --- I can bet you anything that they will be arriving at 12, all at once, trying to do the test.

Oi-bey!

Aaah! And then I find this image... and yeah, indeed...

I do believe the detour was either to hell or to the nearest Dairy Queen...

Oh the bliss!

Speaking of...







STUPID NEWS OF THE DAY
Coming from Mike's Vault

PIGEON PANTS ... A guy traveling back to Australia from the Middle East was stopped at the Melbourne airport when customs officials found two pigeons in his pants. He faces up to ten years in prison for illegal smuggling of wild animals.



That’s good news to the lady sitting next to him…no one believed her when she claimed his crotch was cooing at her.

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Mistify... mistify me

As usual, the student here at the URN have this

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Bad Bad Students!

Twenty five minutes later, my students show up for their SECOND day of class. I just put up a very comprehensive smile and proceeded to remind them that they had already 2 missed classes. Three more, and they were GONE.

This did not have a happy effect on them. They went on a rant about how they _paid_ for school and basically the "who the fuck is you---?" deal. Yeah, you pay for classes... not for goofing off.

I was wondering what is Valentine's day today gonna look like.

I was tempted on going all pathetic and send myself some flowers... then again, that would be selling myself short, so I'll send me flowers and chocolate...

JEWELRY?! Are you crazy! I can't afford gasoline for my car, much less jewelry on myself! haha!


TOP 5 IDEAS TO SEND YOURSELF ON VALENTINES DAY

5. Flowers and candy? HOW LAME! I'll send myself a PACK OF CONDOMS with a note that says "See you tonight, SEXY!"

4. A bottle of cheap-ass vodka that says "drink yourself silly and imagine your date easier"

3. Vicodin

2. A hooker! And make him dance the hootie dootie on top of your desk. Call on your friends and say "see? He LIKES ME!"

1. A hooker that brings condoms, a bottle of cheap ass vodka and drink your ass off while popping frigging vicodin like multi-vitamins.

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First Day at School --- The Morning Show

First day of school. The new semester is here and the students are well on their way to failing the class. Why? They didn't show up.

Okay, being totally unfair there. ONE of them showed.

I think my afternoon class will be a little bit more hectic. But if not, what reasons does a student have not to show for a class?

TOP 5 REASONS STUDENTS DON'T SHOW UP TO CLASS

5. Dog ate my homework, my clothes, my car, my breakfast...

4. Classss? I don't neeeed no steeeeeenking classs!

3. My mom did not wake me, nor did she put the alarm clock so that I could be awaken. My mom did not want me to come, see?

2. I waited for you at the cantina, but you never showed, teacher!

1. I forgot to mention, dog ate my brain.

Woof woof!

STUPID NEWS OF THE DAY

HARDCORE PORN INTERRUPTS SUPER BOWL IN ARIZONA ... So the Arizona Cardinals finally make it to the Superbowl, and those watching in Tucson couldn’t see the end of the game…

Hardcore porn, though, now that's another story. According to Comcast Cable, an adult movie channel interrupted their feed right after Larry Fitzgerald scored to [temporarily] give Arizona the lead. A spokesperson for Comcast Cable said she has “no idea” how the porn got into their feed. They were still trying to figure it out last night..


OH MY GOD!!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE FLAMES --- AND THE FREAKED-OUT LOOK ON PEOPLE'S FACES!

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